Self-Talk Reading
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually thinking you will make one.”
– Proverb
“If you think you can, or if you think you cannot, you are right.”
– Henry Ford
One of the most frustrating things performers must deal with is negative self-talk. Imagine you are at an important event. You have only a few minutes before you’re on. Then it occurs to you, “What if I mess up! What if I perform badly and fail? What if…” Suddenly you get so nervous you have trouble breathing. These kinds of self-doubts contribute to stage fright, choking and under-performance. The good news is, if you created it, you can make it go away. You can learn to change and even prevent harmful self-talk that leads to nervousness and fear.
You Are What You Say You Are
Everyone thinks negative thoughts at times. Only when people learn to recognize negative thoughts, stop them, and replace them with positives will they be able to perform consistently well. If you tell yourself enough times that you are no good, you’ll start believing it! Self-fulfilling prophecies are commonplace. Similarly, if you tell yourself you are talented and well-prepared, your performances will eventually match. The problem is, most people are not even aware of the thoughts they think when they perform.
The Mountain Story
A young boy and his father were walking in the mountains. The boy tripped and fell down a small hill and hurt himself. He yelled loudly in pain, “AAAAhhhhh!” He was surprised to hear a voice respond, “AAAAhhhhh!” Curiously he yelled, “Who are you?” and heard the answer, “Who are you?” He yelled again, “Shut-up you loser!” and heard the response back, “Shut-up you loser!” He got angry and screamed, “You’re a coward!” but again heard back, “You’re a coward.” He didn’t like being called a coward. By that time his father arrived, “Are you ok?” “Yes,” the boy answered, “but I don’t understand who’s saying these mean things to me.” His father smiled and said, “My son, pay attention.” He then screamed, “You are awesome!” and voice responded, “You are awesome!” The boy was confused. The father explains, “What you hear is an echo, but it’s really LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, decide to love more people. If you want more attention, give more attention to others.” Life is not a coincidence. You get what you give.
Thought Control Sequence
Use the following sequence to stop negative or self-destructive thoughts:
As an example, the following 3 tables list common thoughts athletes have during competition. Use the first list to help you recognize the negative thoughts you have, and then the next two lists as ideas to replace the negative thoughts. Modify them so they make sense with your sport or activity.
Negatives After a Mistake: The following is a list of negatives said after mistakes. This list is provided because most athletes don’t realize they have negative self-talk. Before anything can be done to improve self-talk, you must first RECOGNIZE the negative.
Positives After a Mistake: This list of positives after mistakes is the most important list. Athletes can’t always prevent errors from happening. All they can do is manage the mistake well, put it behind them, and move on with an positive outlook.
Other Helpful Words: This list is just a series of shorter ‘cue-words’ you might use to replace the negative thought.
Thought Control Exercises
1. “Gap” Thinking: This is a simple exercise to begin, but not easy to maintain. Close your eyes and become aware of your thoughts. Now become aware of the gaps between your thoughts. Try to stay in the gap between thoughts. When a thought comes in, simply recognize its existence, say “Got It” so the thought can drift away, and then get back into the gap. The length of time you stay in the gap is not as important as staying ‘present’ to the thoughts that come into your mind, letting them go and ‘refocusing’ back into the gap. This exercise is part of 3-Core.
2. Past-Present-Future Labeling: Write down thoughts you remember having before, during or after a competition. Now label them as past, present or future (Example of a past thought: “I can’t believe I just made that mistake!”). Notice how negative emotions (anger, nervousness) are tied to thoughts that exist in the past or future. Positive emotions (love, happiness, confidence…) typically come from present thoughts. Choose present thoughts during competition.
3. Rational-Irrational Labeling: Write down thoughts you remember having before, during or after a competition. Label them as rational (make sense) or irrational (make no sense). For example: “I always make that mistake!” That would be irrational because you don’t ALWAYS make that mistake. Work at rewording your thoughts so they are rational and accurate (“I made that mistake when I got rushed. Be patient.”).
4. Perception-Reality Labeling: We also refer to this as “Matter of Fact” thinking. This exercise involves you observing events in your world and describing them. Your goal is to describe only “What Happened” and not “Your Perception” of the event. For example: When describing a touchdown, it would be your perception if you said, “The QB threw the pass too hard and I was lucky to hang on to it.” What happened in reality though was, “The QB threw a pass and I caught it for a touchdown.” Notice how stating just the facts can reduce emotion surrounding an event so you can more easily stay calm.
5. Other Labeling: Helpful-Harmful (just recognize how helpful or harmful a thought is); Permanent-Temporary (great athletes are optimistic and describe problems as temporary and successes as more permanent, such as, ‘I putted poorly yesterday, but I am usually a great putter.”); Lucky-Skillful (attributing success to luck is usually only done so one appears humble – great athletes consistently relate success to skill & effort); Controllable-Uncontrollable (successful athletes focus on factors they control – to do otherwise leads to feelings of helplessness and stress).
Descriptions of Ideal Thoughts
1. Before Performance: Thoughts should be in the Present or slight future focusing on the ideal actions. You should be sure to remain Rational, keeping thoughts simple and unemotional. Stay in Reality, on things you know to be true. All thoughts should be Helpful and supportive. If you can’t Control it, you don’t need to think about it.
2. During Performance: Work at staying in the Gap as much as possible. It is safe there since there are no thoughts to distract you or cause unwanted emotion. Perform on automatic as much as possible. If you have thoughts, keep them in the Present, Helpful and related to effort and strategy, which are both Controllable by you.
3. After Performance: To learn from what went on, you obviously need to get into the Past and evaluate your performance. Be constructive when criticizing and make sure a list of Controllable suggestions is made so you can take action on them immediately. Improvement is really the key, so learn from the results and let any negatives go. Past thoughts should be centered on success so confidence can grow.
Become What You Want to Be by Brian Cavanaugh
Let me tell you about a little girl who was born into a very poor family in a shack in the Backwoods of Tennessee. She was the 20th of 22 children, prematurely born and frail. Her survival was doubtful. When she was four years old she had double pneumonia and scarlet fever – a deadly combination that left her with a paralyzed and useless left leg. A few years later, she contracted polio! She had to wear an iron leg brace. Yet she was fortunate in having a mother who encouraged her. This mother told her little girl, who was very bright, that despite the brace and leg, she could do whatever she wanted to do with her life. She told her that all she needed to do was to have faith, persistence, courage and indomitable spirit.
So at nine years of age, the little girl removed the leg brace, and she took the step the doctors told her she would never take normally. In four years, she developed a rhythmic stride, which was a medical wonder. Then this girl had the thought, the incredible thought, that she would like to be the world’s greatest woman runner. At age 13, she entered a race. She came in last – way, way last. She entered every race in high school, and in every race she came in last. Everyone begged her to quit! She didn’t listen to the nay-sayers. She didn’t accept the negative labels these people pinned on her. Everyday she reminded herself of her dream and what she had to do to get there. Then, one day, she came in next to last. And then there came a day when she won a race. From that day on, Wilma Rudolph won every race she entered.
Wilma went to Tennessee State University, where she met a coach named Ed Temple. Coach Temple saw her spirit, that she was a believer, and that she had great “natural talent.” He trained her hard and she went to the Olympic Games. There, she was pitted against the greatest woman runner of the day, a German girl named Jutta Heine. Nobody had ever beaten Jutta. But in the 100-meter dash, Wilma Rudolph won. She beat Jutta again in the 200-meters. Now Wilma had two Olympic gold medals. Finally came the 400-meter relay. It would be Wilma against Jutta once again. The first two runners on Wilma’s team made perfect handoffs with the baton. But when the third runner handed the baton to Wilma, she was so excited she almost dropped it, and Wilma saw Jutta taking off down the track. It was impossible that anybody could catch this fleet and nimble girl. But Wilma did just that! Wilma Rudolph had earned three Olympic gold medals. Another true story we can use to build confidence and overcome roadblocks on our way to reaching our dreams.